Please pray from me. I feel like I can't go on. I've been faking to be ok for my kids. It's exhausting and taking a severe toll on me. Their dad (my husband of 54 years) passed away a month ago and I've been working with all I've got to seem like I'm handling things. But the truth is I'm barely hanging on. I've had stomach trouble my whole life, plus severe anxiety and depression. Now I'm having severe stomach pain and diarrhea and fever. I can't sleep since he passed. I'll be 70 years old in about 10 days. I was told that the large tumor in my breast is 99% certain to be cancer but haven't done anything further since they told me that just one week after my husband came home from the hospital on hospice. I'm scared. Mostly for my children and my special to 11 year old grandson who is autistic and I've helped raise since he was a baby. As many times as we disagreed, my husband, when I look back on our time together was always completely reassuring every time my anxiety tried to take me down. Who will take care of me? I don't know how widows manage at my age, and with my health problems. If a time comes when I have to have hospice care, none of them will be able to handle me in their homes. I wish I could just die. I'm tired of not being able to sleep and I'm tired of my stomach being sick. I don't know if I can hold up the act of being ok around them.