Hey, I have a prayer request about some things I haven't been able to share. I'm tired of waiting so many years to share this. After I was saved at age 18 in ( 2013) - I went through good times & bad times and the good times outweighed them.
After finishing YWAM in 2014, my whole life changed for the best after I started to get extremely hungry for God where I was experiencing the best moments of my life with Jesus by praying deeply until I felt like as if I was in heaven ( Eph 2:6) . Still, I had sin issues such as disobeying God's voice which I didn't take serious until it affected me a lot in the beginning of year 2016. I would wake up almost everyday at 5am just so I can pray against a demon that has always been on top of my mind tormenting me starting from 2016 and enjoy incredible times with God as if I was in heaven invisibly ( Eph 1:8)
Later, the torment " that came from fear losing my mind got worst that this demon was able to enter my mind and steal every imaginable thing until my whole life was destroyed. Every good plan I had was destroyed in front of my eyes without mercy. My life was sifted as wheat, my personal life, sanity, ability to stay focused at work, ability to stay focus on God, billions of things I was able to do were all taken away.
He stole my true identity, my ability to help others hear the gospel; my connection with God so I could no longer focus on Jesus for 4 years. My passion, my heart's desires, my dream, my health, rest, hobbies, relationships and billions of things such as an important revelations of my life and every blessing as if I have never been born of God were gone. I've been feeling restless and the longer I stay sitting on the couch, the hotter my back gets & the worst punishment I get. I often feel no rest. I remember before Satan entered my mind, I was feeling very secure that nothing could shake me and I was free to pray for people, free to pray for 5 - 7 hours all day b I was able to feel the presence of God and so much freedom and so many beautiful fun experiences, I was able help as many people & encourage, influence & free to preach the gospel, free to worship God, able to see my family, I had so many dreams that were all destroyed. (Psalm 11:3 If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?)
After I go to bed late due to extreme torment, getting off late at work or just trying to enjoy the night which I barely got to enjoy, God gets terribly angry with me when he wakes me up and I try my best to wake up even though I've been tormented day and night; Especially before 7 - 9 hours of praying unceasingly with no rest. If I chose to stay asleep, Satan comes and turns my matress into sinking bed. If I stay awake, I have to keep dealing with a "spider demon" which would never leave my sanity alone and torments me to my foundations.
Meanwhile, there was not one day since 2016 I did not get attacked by Satan. After three years of following Jesus (in awesome experience) the attacks were like rain of torment. The rain of torment never stopped no matter how hard I had to pray or how many times I sought to be free with tears.
All my life, I couldn't maintain a fulltime job bc of these terrible attacks, I haven't been able to visit my country and see my family and be a positive testimony. I couldn't be there for my nephew who's father is outside the country.. So he grew up with his mom reaching 7 years old when I could've had been there for him
My goal to graduate from collge was taken out of my hands bc while I was attending paramedic classes, I was being tormented until I had drop out of college. Almost every person that heard my story would think it's not common; only if it's familiar. Some say me it's bc of your calling and the lies you believe and I tell them it's bc of my sins and the calling all of this is happening. The only person that was helping me was Jesus.
After Satan stole half of my soull!!!! I couldn't think as a human being no more. I lost most of my friendships, wisdom, knowledge, visions, every good thing that came from above since the day I was born and opened my eyes happily, anything that was connected to my life, was all taken away.
All of my heart's desires, life, all the good plans God had promised me got destroyed by satan. I could not stay home long enough, If I do - I feel choked inside. Sometimes I get sick eating fast foods bc I can't cook while being cut to shreds. I've lost many jobs and worked for 9 companies and never maintained any of them.
When I'm around friends, I get tormented and I immediately withdraw and go fight for my life instead of enjoying the fellowship. Even Jesus was always with his disciples as well as John the Baptist. If I get tormented for years instead me loving somebody, idk why am I on this earth. I even become dumb after they steal my mind that I can't work the easiest job and instead of me being a blessing to my manager, I lose the job.
One night, my friends were all laughing and having a good time. In the meantime, I was the "only" person being ripped in the head and I had to leave bc of the pain and embarrassment.
After I gave everything I had in my life just so I can have Jesus, and yet; after giving everything away, I lost everything except God.
My youth was spent in torment and was all wasted over every sec I gave to God of my whole life. Nevertheless, ( many times I was free from this torment) but after awhile, the torment comes back 10 times worst. I spent all night crying and praying. When I go home , I get squeezed in my mind, my eyes, every area of my life. Someone even said 98% of my life has been tormented and I agreed. This means everything in my life has been tormented which I think it's better for me to be killed instantly than to be killled moment by moment. I remember in the beginning of my walk with Jesus, I could tell he was in front of me and I was able to keep my thoughts focused on him. But when Satan entered my mind, I could no longer see Jesus regardless of how many times I have to pray for 6 years.
One night at work, I saw two large demons holding my mind in a bag. However, the moment I doubted, someone drops something in my head in less than a sec as if I have to keep track of tormenting demon 24/7
Now, if someone can pray, please - against this demon that has been tormenting the hell out of me. I have lost 80% of my memory and I cannot bear this without a reason nor any hope of me ever escaping this demons unless God decides to be gracious in my life and deliver me from this nonsense. I would literally be tormented even while I'm in my sleep and wake up with my mind ripped in pieces. Sometimes I find pieces of my mind scattered outside the window or on the streets.
Nonetheless, I never knew that Satan can actually force a person to think about lies day and night in order to build a stronghold and I think when I asked God in 2016" I want to be the smartest person on the the earth" which might have opened a door and I did not know what I was asking bc I was you in my faith. Wish God made me smart enough to graduate college and have a family instead.
I saw people who don't know God, had so much success in life, had their own family and live a good life without having to be near God. My pastor told me, if God sends you a wife, you won't be able to keep what God sends you bc you will be tormented to the core of your being. (I thought wow, after all this years of God promising and exciting me, made me hope for nothing)
I don't want this to be only promise God gives me, to be persecuted day and night without ever having my own family and I don't have to be overlooked by people who walk with their wives and look down on me bc I was single. They walk down bc they think they have mastered life by having a family as if others don't deserve their human God given right.
I spent day and night praying against this tormenting spirit while people were having a romantic blessed moment with their soulmate, making money, buying houses, having their businesses, traveling the world and enjoying life, having children, looking qdown on others and yet God was so gracious to them and never allowed any tormenting demon to touch them. I've seen people who reached their dreams with challenges and others with less challenges. I've seen people who were successful in graduation, career. I've seen people who got married, I've seen God making people extremely happy on their wedding day while someone at home being tormented day and night. I've seen people who get up and feel happy and start their day celebrating. Later the torment has only led me into more isolation than I've ever experienced in my whole life bc when I'm being scourged death, this demons on top of my mind will stay stuck like an octopus never leaving for years and will stay there hopelessly without me ever getting rid of it regardless of how many lies I try to detect, prayers I could pray or fasting. I spent more days fasting than anyone I've ever met. Bc I was willing to die just to escape this tormenting demons. I spent all of my christian life fasting than Jesus himself bc he never starved himself to death so he can escape.
He never spent all his life being sifted day and night by satan but he was always happy doing the will his father, traveling the world with the commission, enjoying life, laughing with people, loving mankind, making miracles, healing people, living his calling and his purpose of why he was born. He spent his life making a living showing an example against idleness and laziness. My whole family can tell I have been unprogreessive in my life and my family get hurt whenever they see me.
My mom and my father saw that i never maintained my job and it hurts them deeply
Now I don't know how they will be open to Jesus. I've suffered so much and no one has truly been able to understand completely except God. I've been staying with my parents since 2015 and I couldn't buy my own house bc of this spider demon that caused all of this.
Now, at age 26 - I'm still staying with my father and he is often grieved with how my life is going when I could be the one helping with rent. In spite this, he has diabetes and I've been a disappointment to him and he never saw me succeeding in life bc of this calling to make sure I reject every lie which I have been doing everyday than any Christian I've ever met. Even if have failed, I'm not under no law that says you will be tormented if you believe one lie. ( Gal 5:3) (Phil 3:12) ( James 2:10) For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. See, I'm not under this law at all. However, Jesus fulfilled the law on his body ( Rom 10:4) For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth.
But the law says, You must reject all of them even in your sleep. Even before you get out of bed, you must reject every lie, if you don't, then Satan will enter your mind and start to pull you to shreds. This is exactly what I had to go through for 6 years straight. But while I was a new believer, I never experienced anything like this.
The bible says if I walk in faith, I'm not under the law. Rom 3:20 Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.
Rom 3:28 Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law. After you lost your mother at age 8 and you haven't seen your whole family, Jesus becomes your only mother and father.
If Satan tries to torment me so I'm not always around people, bc he knows God can use someone. Whenever I get a job, I lose it right away and remain broke. Later, I had to find a another job which takes me a long before I find one and God still gives me another one. As of now, I I just want to be with God & spend the rest of my life for him. I just want to go to heaven, but I haven't accomplish the purpose of why I was placed on this earth.
Please pray God removes every seed of destruction from my life. Pray against this spider demon and the spirit of death.
--------------
Hey, I have a prayer request about some things I I haven't been able to share. I'm tired of waiting so many years to share this. After I was saved at age 18 in ( 2013) - I went through good times & bad times and the good times outweighed them. After finishing YWAM in 2014, my whole life changed for the best after I started to get extremely hungry for God where I was experiencing the best moments of my life with Jesus by praying deeply until I felt like as if I was in heaven ( Eph 2:6).
Still, I had sin issues such as disobeying God's voice which I didn't take serious until it affected me a lot in the beginning 2016. I would wake up almost everyday at 5am just so I can pray against a demon that has always been on top of my mind me starting from 2015 and yet, I still enjoyed incredible times with God as if I was in heaven invisibly ( Eph 1:8) Later, the torment " that came from fear losing my mind got worst that this demon was able to enter my mind and steal every imaginable thing until my whole life was destroyed. Every good plan I had was destroyed in front of my eyes. My life was sifted as wheat, my personal life, sanity, ability to stay focused at work, ability to stay focus on God, billions of things I was able to do were all taken away. He even stole my identity, my ability to help others hear the gospel; my connection with God so I could no longer focus on Jesus for 4 years. My passion, my, desire, my dream, my health, rest, hobbies, relationships and billions of things such as an important revelations of my life and every blessing as were gone. I've been feeling restless and the longer I stay sitting on the couch, the hotter my back gets & the worst punishment I get. I often feel no rest. I remember before Satan entered my mind, I was feeling very secure that nothing could shake me and I was free to pray for people, free to pray for 5 - 7 hours all day & feel presence of God and so much freedom and so many beautiful fun experiences, I was able help as many people & encourage, influence & free to preach the gospel, free to worship God, able to see my family, later, everything got destroyed.
(Psalm 11:3 If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?) After I go to bed late due to the extreme torment, getting off late at work or just trying to enjoy the night which I barely do, God gets angry with me when he wakes me up and I try my best to wake up even though I've been tormented day and night; Especially before 7 - 9 hours of praying unceasingly with no rest. If I chose to stay asleep after the Holy Spirit tries to wake me up, Satan comes and turns my matress into sinking bed. If I stay awake, I have to keep dealing with a "spider demon" which would never leave my sanity alone and torments me to my foundations.
Meanwhile, there was not one day since 2016 I did not get attacked by Satan. After three years of following Jesus ( in aweosme experience) the attacks were like rain of torment. The rain of torment never stopped no matter how hard I had to pray or how many times I sought to be free with tears. All my life, I couldn't maintain a job bc of these terrible attacks, I haven't been able to visit my country and see my whole family and be a positive testimony. I couldn't be there for my nephew who's father is outside the country.. So he grew up with his mom only - reaching 7 years old when I could've had been there for him. My goal to graduate from collge was taken out of my hands bc while I was attending paramedic classes, I was being tormented until I had drop out.
Almost every person that heard my story, will think it's not common; only if it's familiar. Some say me it's bc of your calling and the lies you believe and I tell them it's bc of my sins and the calling all of this is happening. The only person that was helping me was Jesus. After Satan stole half of my soull!!!! I couldn't think as human being no more. I lost most of my friendships, wisdom, knowledge, visions, every good thing that came from above since the day I was born and opened my eyes; anything that was connected to my life, was all taken away. All of my heart's desires, life, all the good plans God had promised me got destroyed by Satan. I can't stay home long enough, If I do - I feel choked with an asthma. Sometimes I get sick eating fast foods bc I can't cook while being hit. Sometimes I've lost many jobs and worked for 9 companies and never maintained one. When I'm around friends, I get tormented and I immediately have to withdraw and go fight for my life instead of enjoying the fellowship with God's people. Even Jesus was always with his disciples as well as the Baptist.
I even become dumb after they steal my mind that I can't work the easiest job and instead of me being a blessing to my manager, I get fired. One night, my friends were all laughing and having a good time. In the meantime, I was the "only" person being ripped in the head and I had to leave bc of the pain.
After I gave everything I had in my life just so I can have Jesus, and yet; after giving everything away, I lost everything except God. My youth was spent in torment and was all wasted over every sec I gave to God of my whole life. Nevertheless, ( many times I was free from this torment) but after awhile, the torment comes back 10 times worst [ Matt 12:43] I spent all night crying and praying. When I go home , I get squeezed in my mind, my eyes, every area of my life.. ( don't think I'm crazy)
I remember in my beginning of walk with Jesus, I could tell he was in front of me ( not visibly) and I was able to keep my thoughts focused on him. But when Satan entered my mind, I could no longer see Jesus regardless of how many times I prayed for 6 years. One night at work, I saw two large demons holding my mind in a bag and they were 15 feet ahead of me. However, the moment I doubted, someone drops something on top of my head my in less than a sec as if I have to keep track of a tennis ball 24/7 and I can feel something touches my head the moment I fail not to believe lies. I need someone to pray against this demon that has been tormenting the hell out of me. I have lost 89% of my memory and I cannot bear being tormented without a reason nor any hope of me ever escaping this demons that torment me the moment I open my eyes at 4am in the morning and they continue to rip my whole mind apart to shreds without stopping unless God helps me.
I saw people who don't know God, had so much success in life, had their own family and lived a good life without seeking God. My pastor told me, if God sends you a person, you won't be able to keep what God sends you bc you will be tormented to the core of your being. ( i thought, after all this years of God promising and exciting me, uplifting and making me hope was all for my hear to be hurt even more.
I don't want this be the only promise God gives me, "to be persecuted day and night" without me ever having my own family and I don't have to be overlooked everyday by mocking people who walk with their wives & kids and look down on me because I have been single & I didn't much power to set myself fre from a spider demon. They look down on me & think they have mastered life by having a wife or a girlfriend and can produce a family as if others don't deserve their God given right! I spent day and night praying against this tormenting spirits while people were having a romantic season with their soulmates, making money, buying houses, having their businesses, traveling the world and enjoying life, having children, looking down on others and yet God was so gracious to them and God never allowed any tormenting demon to touch them. I've seen a male pigeon with a female pigeon and the moment I talk to a young woman, she walks away bc she thinks I'm a criminal or a rapist. I saw people who reached their dreams with challenges and others with less challenges. I've seen people who were successful in graduation, career. I've seen people who got married and looked down on others who didn't bc they were under great torment while they were under great favor.
I've seen God making people extremely happy on their wedding day while others at home being tormented day and night. I've seen people who get up and feel happy and start their day with so much strenght, Nevertheless, this torment has only led me into more isolation than ever in my life bc when I'm being scourged death, this demons on top of my mind will stay sticky like an octopus never leaving for years and will stay there hopelessly without me ever getting rid of it regardless of how many lies I try to detect, prayers I could pray or fasting.
I spent more days fasting than anyone I've ever met. Bc I was willing to die just to escape this tormenting demons. I spent all of my christian life fasting than Jesus himself bc he never starved himself to death. He never spent all his life being sifted day and night by satan but he was happy doing the will of the father, traveling the world with the commission, enjoying life, laughing with people, loving mankind, making miracles, healing people, living the call and his purpose of why he was born.
My whole family can tell I have been unprogreessive in my life and my family get hurt whenever they think about it. My mom and my father saw that i never maintained my job and it hurts them deeply. Now I don't know how they will come to christ by seeing how measurable I am. I've suffered so much and no one has truly been able to understand completely except God. I've been staying with my parents since 2015 and I couldn't buy my own house or rent an apt.
Now, at age 26 - I'm still staying with my father and he is often grieved with how my life is when I could be the one helping him with rent. In all of this, he has diabetes and I've only been a disappointment to him and he barely saw me succeeding in life bc of this calling to make sure I reject every lie whichever I have been doing everyday than any Christian I've ever met. Even if have failed, I'm not under no law that says you will be tormented if you believe one lie. ( Gal 5:3) (Phil 3:12) ( James 2:10) ( Jame 2:7) -> For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. See, I'm not under the law. However, Jesus fulfilled the law on his body ( Rom 10:4) For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth.
But the law says, You must reject all of them even in your sleep. Even before you get out of bed, you must reject every lie, if you don't, then Satan will enter your mind and start to pull you to shreds. This is exactly what I have been going through for 6 years. But while I was a new believer, I never experienced anything like this. The bible says if I walk in faith, I'm not under the law. Rom 3:20 Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin. Rom 3:28 Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.
He tried to do that me so I'm not always around people, bc he knows God will use someone. And after I lose a job, God always gives me another one. However, I have to find one and it takes me a long time until I have suffered so much. Right now, I feel like I just want to be with God & spend the rest of my life with him.( Sometimes I couldn't go to church bc of that freaking demon.) I have asked God in 2016 - to make me smartest person on earth bc I was still young in my faith and I didn't know what I was asking & I think this opened a door for Satan to torment me with so much knowledge for 6 years until I to keep track of lie ( that says people can read your mind) the moment, I get feared in the past, I get torment to the core of my life more than I've ever had before I was ever born again.
My prayer is that God removes every seeds of destruction from my life, against the spirit of Fear and the spirit of Death. Please pray for an obedient heart and remove this gift I never asked God of bc it was never in my heart to be filled with so much knowledge that had never allowed me to focus on the cross and God's plan.